The Free State Goes All Freedomy

Last night I spent much of the evening consoling my gal pal Maggie Gallagher over the recent developments in Maryland.  Unfortunately for all of us who like the status quo and the world as God created it circa 1949, Maryland has blown a giant hole in that beautiful delusion.

Maggie's little head exploded last night around 6 PM, when we both got the news that Maryland had just become the eighth state to approve so-called gay marriage.  I call it so-called because it is just as counterfeit as all those marriages, which resulted from the 1967 Supreme Court decision to strike down anti miscegenation laws.  That kind of equality just burns my brisket.

I have known Maggie a long time.  We both came up in the same loving Catholic environment, where the shit was beat out of us any time either of us had a lustful or original idea.  I was with her when she ended up getting dumped and had to raise a child alone.  I was with her as her views on marriage changed, and she started to mutilate anatomy books, removing all the penises with a razor blade.

Now I am not going to comment on Maggie's sexuality or appearance.  I know other blogs have speculated that Maggs is a lesbian because of her deep hatred of men or alluded that her resemblance to a manatee stranded on land is evidence of her lesbianism.  But let me just say that Maggie is a giant lezzie dyke because of her deep frustration over not being able to snag a man due to her looking like a manatee stranded on land.

Of course not all is lost.  Maggie has promised me that they will put this on the ballot for November in Maryland.  We both felt so much better after realizing that the people would finally get the last word that we decided to throw a little party.  We called up my puki pal, Michelle Malkin, and the three of us laughed and drank into the night.

At one point, as Maggs and I were doing jello shots off Michelle's naked stomach, we also got the bright idea that if we are going to over turn marriage equality, why stop at gays?  We then decided it was time to take Cher's advice and turn back time and go back to the way God created the country, when:

Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.

 As we rubbed Michelle down in oil with our panties we decided trying to undo the thirteenth amendment might be going too far.